Tag: Hollywood

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What’s more gay?

The homosexuality innuendo and underlining story of Ang Lee’s latest film Brokeback Mountain or Dave White’s (MSNBC contributor and predominately gay man) attempt to wrangle heterosexual viewers to the theater to watch it?

The straight dude’s guide to “Brokeback” {MSNBC} (my comments are in italics)

I may or may not watch this movie, but I won’t be sold on the flick by reasons such as:

1. Accept the fact that this is all your fault in the first place

OK I never saw ‘Jarhead’ and just the tag line “Welcome to the Suck” just about sums up what I think about the movie before even attempting to go see it.

2. Realize now that you have to shut up

I don’t see how this applies to me, just ask Tim, Scott, Nicole (HI), Yomi etc…

3. The good news – there’s less than one minute of making out

Not sure this is a selling point for hetero men. Despite being “no homophobe”, “proud of yourself” and ‘very, very, very, very straight.’ for some, seeing this is still as appealing as when Renton, in the movie Trainspotting, coming off a heroin binge, goes diving into the “dirtiest toilet in Scotland” for his suppositories. I’d rather David just say get over it – this is more reality than you see on MTV.

4. Remember that it’s a western

Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly) is a western. BB is a love story set in Wyoming – get it straight!

5. They’re tortured and you get to feel sorry for them

The Jews were tortured and I should feel sorry for the Nazi’s? as in they’re the ones with the illusions in their head about what it means to be human.

6. Anne Hathaway, who plays AJ’s wife, gets topless. The End

OK got me, Anne is hot. But in a “Little House on the Prairie” kinda way so she can clean up well.

7. And finally, it’s just your turn

Yup, that kissing scene is about to start and its my turn to go get a refill on the popcorn… WTF are you talking about here? Its not the hetero-man’s fault for the number or type of “straight” vs “gay” films available for public viewing. I’d blame the mainstream movie industry for this, as the industry is ruled by money and focusing on pleasing American conservative values as their primary goal in making films that will garner the most profits from the general viewing audience.

The movie probably has all the proper Hollywood formulaic elements embedded in it to make it big: Hot lead characters, an emotionally powerful and forbidden love story, inner struggle about their secret lifestyle, questions and curiosity, animosity and hatred for the alternative lifestyle or love affair, and a lack of resolution that results in heartbreak felt by both the characters and the viewer.

The core audience for this will most likely be young women and more mature viewers in urban cities. The scenery might be breath-taking (shot in Canada), the music and direction right on par with Ang Lee’s other films, the acting well played and a controversial powerful story will make the film a contender for Oscars on some levels. however, I can’t see much of Wyoming wanting to buy into this story line (or much of the red states for that matter). I can just hear the parody songs coming out now “Momma don’t let your boys grow up to be Gay-cowboys”.

Unfortunately the media is billing this as “The gay-cowboy movie” which I think reduces the film to just another genre flick. I have heard from many friends that have seen the movie, they were both moved and enjoyed the film. To me, its another love story that I am not interested viewing and of my movie priority list I still have Syriana, Capote, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, A History of Violence and Munich above this one. Aside from “Kiss” these films are intended to effect the minds of all viewers despite their emotional and sexual preferences, of which I think is Ang’s goal in making films.

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Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos

No electricity for 26 minutes. ‘This is our Tsunami.’

By Joshua Gates. Actor, Photographer. Victim.

LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 – Horror and disbelief swept through the greater Hollywood area this afternoon as a minor power-outage turned the city into a virtual war zone and local residents struggled to deal with the devastating aftermath.

The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.’s busy afternoon coffee and Pilates rush hour. Traffic lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi restaurants were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many businesses were illuminated only by the light of the sun and its blistering 78-degree heat. “It was horrible,” said out of work actor and voice-over artist Rick Shea. “I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose when it hit and the blenders simply shut down. A woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime and after that, well, it got pretty ugly.”

In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcasted conflicting reports as to exactly which local businesses would be offering relief supplies. Almost 100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica and La Brea only to find helpless baristas, no hot coffee and a totally meager selection of baked goods.

“My mother is 83 years old and we heard on the radio that this Starbucks was going to be up and running. If she doesn’t get a venti Arabian-__Mocha Sanani, I don’t know what’s going to happen to her, I really don’t.” said Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz.

To make matters worse, those few people who did manage to get coffee were further thwarted by a total lack of artificial sweeteners on site. “Sugar in the Raw? Are you frigging kidding me?” sobbed local homosexual and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. “I’m on the South Beach Diet and my insulin levels are going to go crazy if I use this. Why isn’t the rest of the country doing something?”

Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to evacuate the thousands of people at local Quiznos, movie theaters and upscale shopping centers, including the Beverly Center, where a policeman told CNN unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern that the situation could worsen overnight after patrons defaced multiple “So You Think you Can Dance” posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free makeovers en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the afternoon.

At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful, will travel in a bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting this evening and will be sheltered at the 8-year-old Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes with confit bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted in by The National Guard.

Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant told a group of embedded reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken restaurant on Larchmont that, “The scope and scale of this disaster is almost too much to comprehend. Local carwashes are at a stand-still, the tram tour at Universal Studios has been on hold for almost an hour now and I’ve been waiting for a rotisserie leg and thigh with a side of greens beans for upwards of 15 minutes. This truly is our Tsunami.”

“We want to accommodate those people suffering in the Beverly Center as quickly as possible for the simple reason they have been through a horrible ordeal,” Grant said.

“We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb bread,” said Martha Owens, 49 who was one of the thousands trapped in the Beverly Center when the escalators stopped moving. “They need to start sending somebody through here.”

Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged, causing writers to lose upwards of a page of original screenplay material, causing Direct TV service to work only intermittently and forcing local residents to walk outside and look helplessly at the Pacific from their ocean view decks. “I can hardly begin to put this experience into words,” said longtime Two and a Half Men writer John Edlestein. “I was just getting into my rhythm and making some real headway on a scene where Charlie Sheen parties with a busload of female volleyball players when my Power Book crapped out. I have nothing. Simply, nothing.”

Delivering his weekly radio address live from the White House, President Bush announced he was deploying more than 7,000 additional active-duty troops to the region. He comforted victims and praised relief workers.

“But despite their best efforts, the magnitude of responding to a crisis over a disaster area this sunny and trendy has created tremendous problems,” he said. “The result is that many of our citizens simply are not getting the help they need, especially in the Hollywood Hills, and that is unacceptable.”