Many of my female friends are pregnant this year. I hear they come in threes… and while writing this, my woman is on the phone to the third of our friends who’s just birthed a third. Confirming the theory (for now) and providing reassurance to the new parent about her eldest, now a new teenager, explicitly angry at her mom whom has retaliated by de-friending her father from Facebook. She’s 14 and pulling away from the parents; it happens.
So “defriending” has replaced storming down the hall and door slamming in the eyes of teenagers today? First it was calling your Mommy a Pooface (see note at left – thanks PassiveAgressiveNotes.com) to
I don’t yet understand the pain felt when your child is disappointed or just angered at you for your parental orders but I do understand it takes a lot of trust for a teenager to allow insight into their lives by “friending” them on a very public online social network. Social media is very personal and it’s becoming an online window into your personality, feelings, state of mind, intentions and outlooks on life.
When I was a teen, my life was a complete mystery to my parents. School was “fine”. “No I don’t have a girlfriend”, but I did have serious crushes on Mandy and Kierra who’s lockers were near mine. I really did like most of my teachers, even Mr. Moore who didn’t deserve all the hazing from the kids because of his “Jew-fro” as the kids teased, coaster size glasses and suffering from kyphosis which caused his hunched over demeanor. I was very smart, but I was also very socially awkward (stereotype achieved). I had bullies, but I also lashed out.
None of this was public knowledge except for private conversations with my friends. Today those social barriers of privacy are gone thanks to Google, Myspace, Twitter, Facebook and other internet services. Parents are now connected more than ever to their friends. I just received a friend request from my Mom’s best friend. 10 [no more like 5] years ago, I would never consider sharing more than a hello with her, and now she wants to read my weekly status messages and see what photos I post publicly? Maybe she doesn’t but it’s what that type of request means to me…
I’ve changed my views of social networking in the last few years and today believe if you’re using your real name and posting information about yourself on the very public internet, there should be no reason your parents, neighbors or boss shouldn’t be able to see that information. If you want to talk about illicit, uncomfortable or private matters on a public forum, learn to adopt an alias :P . Family is blood and no matter how embarrassing, private or painful your thoughts and actions are, that bond should never (seldom) break between the parent and child, and puberty aside, there should be no reason to keep anything from either in that family bond. This all being said while I’m well past my teenage years and playing a little “Monday Morning QB” on this subject….
Facebook has started to add some security where you can create a limited view group for people, allowing the child to virtually close the door on discussions they want to have private. But it takes a bit of knowledge and intent to keep this virtual wall up. Growing up you never really understand what your parents went through during parenthood until you’re several years past college graduation.
So sure, send that friend request for your parents but maybe… keep a few things still to your private self…