You Know You’re From San Francisco When:
1. You’ve been carrying on an affair of “intense eye-contact”for two years with a person who rides home on the same bus and gets off one stop before you. You do not know their name.
2. You bitch constantly about how hard it is to meet people in the city.
3. You take a bus and are shocked that 2 people are carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Someone says TENDERLOIN – you don’t think of steak.
5. You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.
6. A really great parking space can move you to tears.
7. You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must be visiting from Ohio.
8. You were born somewhere else. (Ohio?)
9. You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
10. You experience “commitment issues” when deciding who to hang out with next weekend.
11. You feel prudish for never having had a threesome. . .
12. You’re tan in spring and fall, pale in summer.
13. You’d like to spend more time exploring Berkeley, but its just so damn far away.
14. You found your current apartment, car, couch, running pals, book group, girlfriend/boyfriend, and booty call all on Craigslist.com
15. Your boss runs in “The Bay to Breakers”….and it’s not the first time you have seen him/her nude.
16. You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can’t decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational Mandarin or a building your own web site class.
17. You haven’t been to Fisherman’s Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn’t figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.
18. Left is right and right is WRONG.
19. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
20. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
21. You can’t find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
22. Your family tree contains “significant others.”
23. Your cat has its own psychiatrist.
24. Smoking in your office is not optional.
25. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
26. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
27. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US
28. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t even notice.
29. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
30. You give a “thumbs up” gesture to a car with a “Free Tibet” bumper sticker – and you mean it.
31. When you drive under an underpass – for one moment you think “earthquake”.
32. You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Texas.
33. You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than California State Flags.
34. You go to your office manager’s baby shower – the parent’s are named Judy and Becky.
35. When your church elects a new Bishop who abandoned his family and two young daughters to fulfill his sexual urges with another man.
36. You’ve lived in the Marina for three and a half years and you’ve been to the Mission once for drinks. You’re main impression is that it’s “dirty”. You won’t go back.
37. You’ve lived in the Mission for three and a half years and you’ve never been to the Marina.
38. You consider “Tom Kha Gai” a staple food.
39. You consider hamburgers a “rare treat”.
40. Through years of practice, you have perfected the art of the helpless looking “sorry, i’m broke” shrug that you use when someone asks you for change.
41. Despite number 5, you still manage to pay $20 each week in “street tax”.
42. You wear foam trucker caps and cowboy hats out regularly in San Francisco, but you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one in Stockton.
43. At any given time, you are carrying three or more tiny electronic devices, some of which emit noises and/or buzzing at different frequencies, and all of which “simplify” your life.
Appearing yesterday on a conservative San Francisco radio show, Bill O’Reilly offered his first public comments since being criticized for saying he would approve of an al Qaeda terrorist attack on the California city.