Tag: Drinking

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Open Champagne like a Pirate

I know everyone loves a little celebratory bubbly; from Dom Pérignon, Krug, Cristal, or the elite Clos du Mesnil, but there are several ways to start this party. Of course there’s a standard way to open the bottle, a wrong way and the impressive way: Decapitate the top with sword play.

Now I know not everyone can brings their sabers to the club to impress the ladies, but at a home party (preferably with lots of room, unlike Manhattan), you too can say, I’ve got an impressive “skill to show with my sword”, in public with a straight face. Here’s your instructions, should you choose to accept them (from UD).

1. DISROBE YOUR BUBBLY: Take your well-chilled bottle of champagne and remove both the foil and the wire cage covering the cork (as you probably know, it’s essential the bottle be well-chilled to avoid leakage, foaming and premature cork-popping).

2. LOCATE YOUR TARGET: Locate one of the two vertical seams running up the side of the bottle. Where the seam meets the lower lip of the bottle is the point at which you’ll aim.

3. CONTROL YOUR SABER: Grip the bottle firmly around the base. Point the bottle at a 30-45 degree angle away from all people, windows and, obviously, flat screen TVs. Now take your saber, samurai sword or the back edge of a chef’s knife and lay the blade flat, just below the lip at the weak spot.

4. MOMENT OF TRUTH: Draw the sword back along the seam and then swing with full force away from your body, upward and into the bottom of the lip. Don’t forget to follow through (as with any sport, see the cork popping, be the ball). To minimize spillage, turn the bottle upright immediately afterward.

5. VICTORY: If done right, the cork and bottle top will thrust several feet into the air, and you will lose no more than an ounce of your champagne. And you will be a hero.

Of course, as with anything, practice, practice practice to be top notch in this event.

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Need a toast?

I’ve never been one to memorize certain toasts, either nonchalantly with friends or for events. So I wanted to put together some good ones I remembered and found here… Enjoy:

“Here’s to a long life and a merry one, a quick death and an easy one, a pretty girl and an honest one, a cold beer – and another one!”

“Work like you don’t need the money; dance like no one is watching; sing like no one is listening; love like you’ve never been hurt; and live life every day as if it were your last.” (originally an old Irish proverb)

“May your troubles be less, And your blessing be more. And nothing but happiness, Come through your door.”

“May your soul be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

“Here’s to women we love and here’s to the women we fuck. Hope they never meet.”

The original:
“She offered her honor, He honored her offer, So, all night long, May he be on her and off her”

and variation:
“Here’s to honor. To gettin’ honor. To keepin’ honor. And if I can’t cum in her, I’m cummin on her.”

“Cheers to you and cheers to me, the best of friends we’ll always be. But just in case we disagree, to Hell with you and cheers to me”

“Here’s to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell.”

“When we live, let us live in clover, for when we’re dead, we’re dead all over.”

“In heaven there is no beer that’s why we drink ours here.”

“May for better or worse be far better than worse.”

“To more friends and less need of them.”

“We’ll think of all the friends we know and drink to all worth drinking to.”

“Here’s to heat! Not the kind that ignites and burns down shanties, but the kind that excites and brings down panties.”

“It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money!”

“My friends are the best friends Loyal, willing and able. Now let’s get to drinking! All glasses off the table!”

“Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint– and another one!”

“I have known many, and liked not a few, but loved only one and this toast is to you.”

“Here’s to you, here’s to me, together as friends we’ll always be. And if we ever disagree, Fuck you, here’s to me.”

‘Sláinte!’
(pronounced ‘slawn-cha’, meaning Health! A common toast in Ireland, the equivalent to ‘Cheers’)

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Tiny Dive on Hollywood

I made a trip out to Hollywood to hang with a few friends for the weekend. After a long drive to San Diego and back for work on Thursday, I made it through Irvine long enough to hang at the ‘ool at my boy BP’s spot. Irvine is the definition of suburbia and more boring that watching ice melt.

Skip the formalities, we start our evening at a local dive spot on Hollywood blvd: Tiny’s KO. I’m uncertain how long this place has been going but some of these kats have been here since the doors opened the first time. We’re prepping for the evening so with stiff drinks, a good juke of punk and decor around the room highlighting chicks with clown; how could you not have a good time. The food is excellent at this place and some 50’s lady told me she would shove her nails in my nose if I didn’t let her play some Def Leppard track.

Proper dive….

“Remember to tip the bar wench”