It’s cheaper to lease…

This was a post on craigslist recently:

MORE advice for woman seeking $500k+ earning man

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?

– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE RESPONSE
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as ‘articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful’
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic ‘pump and dump.’
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

My experience with the free posting section of CL

My GF had this Pentium II computer sitting around our house for almost a year. We never could get a charity over to pick up the thing because either it was considered too old or they would only make trips for donations of multiple computers… so it sat, collecting dust under our dining table. I tried to sell it for 40 bucks for about two weeks and only got a few offers for the Harmon Kardon speakers or to have the monitor taken off my hands… for free…. cheap bastards on CL I tell you… parted out this thing was worth at least 50!!!

So I made the dive, posted my first free listing to CL at 9PM Tuesday night and went back to Battle Carrot … Iron Chef.

Next morning, I have about 50 emails for this thing and in a rush to get things done I didn’t have time to reply. By 4 PM, I had about 130 and decided to take my address off. I looked through most of them then, and realized how many of these people need an education first before they get a computer. A few were sappy, and a few were straight up – when can I get it!. I ended up giving the computer to two ladies that started a non-profit organization in Harlem called Two Grandmas, Inc. – they support the NYC community and provide donated art and educational supplies to disenfranchised families in the area. My good deed for the day. But here are a few ad replies that caught my attention – spelling left intact.

“Hey yo, when can i get it?” by a guy with an email address: yanksruleu2@…

“MY LITLE BRITHER COULD USE THE COMPUTOR” – looks like he may need EDU first

“I will pick it up now. What your address and number so I can come get you.” – uh ok.

“hi i need it bad can u call me chris” – uh Chris, NSAs are in a different forum

“Hi , Am email you regarding a free computer you was offering in and ad posted on craigslist in the free section, I will like to pick up item at your convenience, at the earliest possible time, if is still available and free.” – I liked the “Still Available?” responses better – GET TO THE POINT!

“do you still have your computer available? i don’t know much about computers, except that mine is broken and i desperately need a new one. I use a windows computer is a DELL anything like that? hope to hear from you!”

“I’d like it, can I pick it up Saturday?” when I explicitly stated must be picked up by Thursday.

“Hi I’m a poor family and could really use the computer to help give my 2 children a better education. Please let me know if I can pick it up from you” from a guy that works at Computer Wrecker Inc. (a computer dismantler and reseller)

“Where you live, I’ll come by to get it.” from a guy with an email address in2crock@ if crock is anything like Crack ROCK, this guy isn’t even getting near my address.

“God has sent you to me to help our church. We appreciate your patronage and I look forward to meeting you my son. ….” from theprophet@… whoa.. no I’m not contributing to cults.

“Our office could use addition computer resources, which boro are you located and I’ll have someone come by to pick it up.” from NYPDblu5@… didn’t know the police were so strapped they had to look for free resources on CL

“can it be shipped?” – sure for 1000$ jack ass…

“C Bass here from Queens…” – sorry, started laughing to read the rest, just picturing good old Sea-Bass from the movie Dumb and Dumber gesturing “over here!”

“Hi big boi, I would love to get a hold of that thing, and pick up the computer too of course. Please let me know when we can meet.” signed freakycamgurl392@… we have a winner!!!