Category: Lifestyle

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Pay Day

I was paying up at Gourmet Garage today for the evening’s dinner when I noticed a tall lanky white guy with thick rimed black glasses and a hair and ‘stache combo straight out of 1974, cruising the isles with a handful of envelopes. It was payday for the employees and he was distributing the best part of the month.

I watched as he towered over a crouched stock kid handing over the vanilla envelope with that satisfaction-well done smile. He didn’t even get up, slipped a finger in and pulled out the money with a smile… then a sign and a forced “Thanks!”….

It’s never enough is it. It never seems worth it right? and on top of that you have half your check going to the Gov. I remember the days when I’d be right there, working at Gene’s but come to think about it, I still get that sign when I pop open my bank account. I’m just not paid what I’m worth, however, I don’t have that mustached boss hanging over me to nudge nudge that great bagging job I do every week for Mrs. Johnson.

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Open Champagne like a Pirate

I know everyone loves a little celebratory bubbly; from Dom Pérignon, Krug, Cristal, or the elite Clos du Mesnil, but there are several ways to start this party. Of course there’s a standard way to open the bottle, a wrong way and the impressive way: Decapitate the top with sword play.

Now I know not everyone can brings their sabers to the club to impress the ladies, but at a home party (preferably with lots of room, unlike Manhattan), you too can say, I’ve got an impressive “skill to show with my sword”, in public with a straight face. Here’s your instructions, should you choose to accept them (from UD).

1. DISROBE YOUR BUBBLY: Take your well-chilled bottle of champagne and remove both the foil and the wire cage covering the cork (as you probably know, it’s essential the bottle be well-chilled to avoid leakage, foaming and premature cork-popping).

2. LOCATE YOUR TARGET: Locate one of the two vertical seams running up the side of the bottle. Where the seam meets the lower lip of the bottle is the point at which you’ll aim.

3. CONTROL YOUR SABER: Grip the bottle firmly around the base. Point the bottle at a 30-45 degree angle away from all people, windows and, obviously, flat screen TVs. Now take your saber, samurai sword or the back edge of a chef’s knife and lay the blade flat, just below the lip at the weak spot.

4. MOMENT OF TRUTH: Draw the sword back along the seam and then swing with full force away from your body, upward and into the bottom of the lip. Don’t forget to follow through (as with any sport, see the cork popping, be the ball). To minimize spillage, turn the bottle upright immediately afterward.

5. VICTORY: If done right, the cork and bottle top will thrust several feet into the air, and you will lose no more than an ounce of your champagne. And you will be a hero.

Of course, as with anything, practice, practice practice to be top notch in this event.