For some one up at this time, on a Monday morning, there are three reasons. Necessity is ruled out for me and I’m definitely not having a good time from the evening before. Insomnia is rarely a problem for me and as of late has been a consistent one. The mind has a sub-conscious will of it’s own; how ironically similar to most females.
This morning she decided to spin overdrive cycles on me; especially unwanted as I know I’m going into an overtime week. It’s been three years and three months since the thoughts of loss have interrupted my routine. The discomfort of not being in control, coupled with the lack of reasoning for the circumstances surrounding this relationship funnel is contributing to my deprivation of character. I wish understanding would plug it…I know it can. My duality of passionate desire and rejection is not a roller coaster kind of sickness; I don’t want to get off the ride. This one though is not originating from the stomach but one that swells from the more vital organs and spreads to affect the lesser. I’ve been awoken before, but have been unwilling to do anything about it…until now. I see myself trying to keep my feet in, without having to look back for permission, however, right now I’m alone again and she uncertain about coming with me is still lost in billions of thoughts. We round the corner for the next hill…please focus.
There’s a connection to this path I’m riding but in the back of my mind, I know i’ll be coming back around here again. I’m more patient this time, stronger, but I need some sleep. Become settled and coasting again; we both can rest easier tonight, and …. Yeah I like that idea much better than the alternative. I’m not loosing my mind this time.
