Boneheaded Business Jargon

Can anyone in business say what they mean these days? I swear there are those company men that utilize cliches to make themselves sound smart, but they really aren’t saying anything. If you’d cut their emails/speeches or talks down to the real point, they would only have a few precise comments. Yet this doesn’t happen and they go on and on…

The reason this post comes up, is I have a new boss and with that a new way to manage him. His main role is to be an intermediary to the regional manager. This to me seems like typical big corporate filler. We received a team email from him today, and here’s what it read (sanitized for company confidential info):

From: Chief
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2005 8:19 AM
To: Peons
Subject: WELCOME BACK

I hope everyone enjoyed the **[Sales Meeting]** trip and was able to gain some valuable insight as to the path forward for our company in 2006. November is a very big month for our Team as I continue to look for ways to add more experienced sales people to our group. Sales need to pick-up and EVERYONE MUST CONTRIBUTE with some key deals. I have been tasked with making sure that some of the larger deals close specifically *** and *** and want to make sure that I get some important face time with these accounts shortly. We need to succeed and I feel with the people we have in place that will happen. I realize today might be a difficult day as you dig out from being out of pocket but we need to keep our eye on the prize.

Um yeah…. I feel motivated and moved. Ready to conquer the world.. go go go!!!

Here’s a list I compiled from a few emails and just by thinking back to some meetings. Also some people find it a more productive use of their time to print out Bingo sheets and fill squares with these catch phrases. Take them to your meeting and I dare you to jump up and yell “BINGO!” when you’ve completed line across the board. Feel free to add more:

Cliches and catch phrases
think outside the box
I, for one…
Not to be rude, but…
To be honest with you
On the other hand
Needless to say…
Touch base
Bottom Line
I could care less
It’s the least you could do
I have a question I need to ask you
Big players make big plays
Ballpark figures
Floating deadline
Been there, done that.
Shock and awe
What’s the path forward?
Kick him to the curb, girlfriend!
From a to z
Head them off at the pass
Putting out fires
At the end of the day
Leveraging your synergies
To be honest with you
I hear what you’re saying
It’s not rocket science
Bare with me
Between a rock and a hard place
Blue-sky thinking
Circle the wagons
Circle back
Ride the fence
Let’s regroup
Have a topline discussion
Per our email
Regarding this concept
Low-hanging fruit
I could give a rat’s ass!
The lead dog has the best view
Open a dialog
Push the envelope
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Not the brightest crayon in the box
The fact of the matter is..
As far as I know
One off
Heads up
Run this up the flag pole
They have to execute down the stretch
At this moment in time
Like…
Not singing from the same hymn sheet
24/7
Address the issue
On a weekly basis
Crack troops
Glass half full (or half empty)
In terms of
Move the goal-posts
The fact of the matter is
Make that an action item
Review the meeting notes
Out of pocket
Wrap our arms around
Spearhead that initiative
Action plans
From this point forward
Eye on the prize
Nose to the grind stone
Stay on target

Business Buzz Words I hate too
Pro-active
Paradigm
Decks – when referring to ppt slides
Basically
Irregardless
Caveat
Incentivize
ASAP
Verbage
Prioritize
Ongoing